I must exorcise myself of the demons that have possessed me. I must. Please forgive me for what I am about to do to you.
- Billy Joel, “An Innocent Man”
- Foreigner, “Double Vision”
These are the two abysmal excuses for songs that have been stuck in my head for the past 72 hours or so. To make matters worse, as far as I can tell, they’ve appeared there completely of their own accord. There were no wayward encounters courtesy of the grocery store PA system. No drive-by musical shootings from a passing car radio tuned to some classic rock station. No forthcoming “blast from the past” concert announcements that might have reminded me that such dinosaurs still roamed the earth.
No, the ultimate unfairness in all this is that these Elvis-forsaken bits of dreck have apparently come to besiege me from deep inside the recesses of my own brain.
There are only two ways known to humanity to rid oneself of earworms such as these:
- Finding a good “head cleaner”: i.e., a tune with enough oomph to drive the offending ditties away, and with enough staying power to keep the demons from coming back. The downside, of course, is that you’re simply replacing one earworm with another — but, done well, the new demon is much better to live with for a few days.
- Passing the infection on to new hosts. Which, my dear friends (or former dear friends, as the case may be), is what I’ve just done to you.